This page lists the introductions for The Stig, typically (but not always) made by Jeremy Clarkson.
Series 1[]
- Right, that's the track, now we needed someone who could tame it. So we got ourselves a professional racing driver who could post consistently fast lap times. We um, we couldn't do that. Now we call this thing The Stig, okay, we don't know its name, we really don't know its name, no-one knows its name and we don't want to know because it's a racing driver and racing drivers have tiny little brains and therefore worthless opinions and they're very dull; doctors actually call it Mansell Syndrome. Um, its job is simply to go out there and drive fast.
- Well, every fast car that we test here is gonna go round our test track and set a lap time so we can evaluate them all against one another and it's all fair so The Stig drives them. The times go up there, on our Power car Lap Time Board, so let's see what The Stig did with it.
- So will it [the Westfield XTR2] be able to go round our test track faster than the mighty Zonda?
No.
Thanks for your faith.
Right, well, we'll see.
That's The Stig, there's the telemetry, look.
- So basically, then, the Ferrari is a winner as far as investment's concerned, it's a winner on the road. But, what about on the track?
- That's how we rate them, but will that have any bearing on what Stig reckons when he gets to grips with them? It's gonna be a different kind of F1, there's 7 cars, and only one Stig.
- The only thing that remains now for us to do is to find out how fast it goes around the track. These are the times we've had so far, the Westfield is, uh, leading, 1 minute 23 seconds. The only problem is the Westfield weighs exactly the same as one of the indicator stalks in this. Let's see what happens. Over to you, Mr. Stig.
- How many more points have you got that I don't know? This is a fast car, isn't it? This isn't.
Mine is. The AMG.
We noticed The Stig didn't drive it.
No, there's no way I was gonna let The Stig- seriously, I was not gonna let The Stig drive it.
'cause it's your car.
Exactly.
Yeah, but we let The Stig drive it when we stole the key.
You're joking!?
- So all we need do now, is see how fast it [the Lotus Elise 111S] goes round our track. Unleash The Stig.
- But it [the Maserati Coupé] does have one chance to redeem itself. Stoke up The Stig.
- More importantly, how does it compare with the obvious direct competitor, the Ford Focus RS?
Well, we're men, okay? So we have to quantify that. Therefore, engage Stig Drive!
- Great! But these cars must now face the acid test. Bitte willkommen sie, das Stig!
- Anyway, we still got one thing left to do with this car [Lotus Esprit], of course. Unfurl The Stig!
Series 2[]
- I'm not a driving God, alright? It was a mistake to make that claim. But I do know someone who is a driving God. To find out how the Bowler would do on the fearsome Top Gear test track, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome His Holiness, The Stig!
- But we do have one more test to do; we've gotta see which is the fastest round our track, so that means breaking out The Stig and that's a problem, because he's been to Nashville for his holidays and I'm afraid he's developed a penchant for Country & Western music. Yee ha.
- Alpina is a good company; they've been doing good things with BMWs for 30 years or more, but I think the Z8's just like a delinquent child; it was born bad, it's always gonna be bad. On that basis, we weren't going to bother taking it round the track. I mean, only Ronan Keating would be interested in the outcome. Problem was The Stig; he has been beside himself with excitement all day because his hero has been here - the king of easy listening, David Soul. He wanted to go and show off, so um, we had to let him.
- A used DB7 is around about, I don't know, £60[thousand] to get a good one and then, uh, £10 - £12 thousand for the suspension, and another £10[thousand], no, you don't really need it, for the engine.
Ha - that's brilliant! Is that your idea of a used-car tip?! So what you've done is take a really expensive car and turned it into... well, it's still a really expensive car! It's 80 grand!
It's all part of the Top Gear service, as of course is our lap, so it's time to pump up The Stig, and see how fast he can make it go round.
- But, before we give it [the Renault Clio V6] the complete clean bill of health, there is one more test to do. Mesdames et Messieurs, bienvenue dans la pluie - Le Stig!
- But before I give it a completely clean bill of health, one more test. Everybody silent for The Stig.
- Let's get back to the safety theme and the Koenigs-zzzeug. We've established that it's the fastest car we've ever tested in a straight line, but what about round the track? It would have to beat the Zonda's 1:23.8, so can it? Välkommen behaga, Steugen!
- But of course, there is one more thing we've gotta do 'cause we know nothing. Avanti Stigissimo!
- I've got the brochure here and I have never seen so many of these stupid acronyms for driver control. Look you've got DCC, Wheel Hop Control, DSTC c-r-a-p, what does it all- I mean can you turn it off?
No- (chortles) The normal thing is, in a normal car, when you wanna turn the traction control off, ok, you just have a button; push it and it's off. Not in this, though. It says here that you're not allowed to do this unless you are "highly experienced". And then it says that in order to do this you have to press the button five times, in succession, "with a certain frequency".
Oh God- does it tell you what the frequency is?
No. But this is the country that cracked the Enigma code, ok? So we had no problem working out what it was, and then when we'd got it off, we gave the car to The Stig.
- We're gonna settle this, right? The track, wheel out The Stig.
Alright.
This is a duel.
Series 3[]
- It [the Porsche 911 GT3] is absolutely fantastic but there is just one test left for it; The Stig. Now before we sent him off to HMS Invincible, which we'll see in a short while, as a bit of practice because it is bucketing out there, we sent him out on the track in this. So schnell, schell, Herr Stigmacher!
- The thing is though, I'm not sure that BMW at its absolute best is quite as good as Porsche at its absolute best.
No, I know what you mean. Perfect example: the 911 GT3 Porsche on the show last week. They're very similar, I mean they're both stripped-out, lightweight essentially track cars, but the 911... it's that bit more expensive, yeah, but it's that bit more powerful, it's a bit faster, it's just better, ultimately.
I agree, but we'll find out for sure now; Time to warm up our new Stig. - [After arguing over the Porsche Boxster, BMW Z4 & Honda S2000] The one thing that we did agree on, ok, the one thing we agreed on, was this would be settled on our track by fresh Stig. So, we sent him out there, fastest lap wins.
- Now what I'd like to do at this point, to demonstrate the difference between car and plane even more, is bolt The Stig into the SAAB here, and have him race a fighter jet round our track. Only trouble is, can you imagine ringing up the Royal Navy and saying "Hello, I'm from that pokey motoring programme on BBC2; would it be possible to borrow one of your Sea Harriers?" You can imagine what the response would be... yes, they were there in a jiffy!
- Now, [applause], now, time for a confession. A confession because when we first started Top Gear, we thought it would be a really good idea in the interest of fairness, to make sure our test track was always wet, so it was the same for all the cars we tested. The thing is - good idea, but we made a complete hash of it. All we were left with was a really big bill for a water tanker that wasn't big enough to soak the whole track, seriously it was just like all dry with some strategically-placed deep puddles at odd corners. And that is why, in the first programme, the Lamborghini Murciélago with dead Stig at the wheel set a time of 1:29. Now, we always knew it could do better than that, so we sent fresh Stig out on to the dry track to see what the Murciélago can really do.
- [On the Lamborghini LM002] Have you ever seen a cathedral go round our test track?
No!
Would you like to see it?
Yes!
Show it! - All of that aside, the fact remains: how does the Gallardo do on the track? Now The Stig has already been out in the Murciélago so he should have absolutely no trouble with its baby brother.
- The thing about it [the Mazda RX-8] is, is that it was great, but after I recorded that, I drove it on a wet road, and it's awfully twitchy. There's something about these tyres that make it really... you know, a bit skittish. However, shouldn't be a problem for The Stig because it's bone dry out there. So, moshi-moshi, Stig-San!
- What we've gotta find out now is, how fast it [the Vauxhall Monaro] is. So, pray silence please, for Dame Edna Everstig!
- Earlier on, I tried the MG SV and we reckoned that it would be worth £75,000 if it could go out on our track and give the Germans a bloody nose. So, lets fire him up; Colonel Fotherington-Digby-Stigby!
- There are an awful lot of new coupés around at the moment, erm, so really, we've got to put this one on the track, see how it [the Audi TT] does. So, to test its flappy-paddle gearbox, I'll hand you over to the totally unflappable Mr. Stig.
- [Responding to Jeremy, who's talking about Rowan Atkinson trying to cut him off in a Honda NSX] But look, we can't talk for too long, because if we do they'll start fiddling with the thing again. So, let's get it out on the track: Banzai, Stig!
Series 4[]
- The Elise has managed to evade missile lock in the track, but how will it get on against all the other cars we have around here on the track? Time, I think, to move over to... DEFCON Stig.
- We've got an Italian car [the Ferrari 360 Challenge Stradale] and a German car [the Porsche 911 GT3 RS 996], so what we really need now is a fair-minded English umpire. Bring him out; Stiggy-bird!
- Now, we could have just done an ordinary road test on these cars [the Subaru Impreza STi WRX WR1 and Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VIII MR FQ320] but to be honest, that's not the point. What really matters between these two is which one is the fastest, and there's only one solution to that, it's called the Stig.
- Let's hand the, uh, the old crate [the MG ZT 260] over to our resident test pilot; Stiggles!
- Obviously, it [the Renault Clio 182 Sport] needs to be house-trained, and luckliy, we have just the man for that. Bring him on; Barbara Stig-house!
- The original GT40 was built to beat Ferrari at Le Mans. Now, this one [the Ford GT] has been built to beat that: Ferrari 360 CS, that's the Challenge Stradale, that's the one, that's basically built for the track. So, we handed the Ford over to something else that drinks a lot of petrol: the Stig.
- It's time for some shock and awe with George W. Stig! (Richard Hammond)
Series 5[]
- You've got the 3.6, which looks like the old 3.6, costs the same and goes the same, and that's for fat people. Then you've got the 3.8S, which is for slightly less fat people, and then the 3.8S with the Chrono Sport Pack for thin, chiseled-jawed people who have no friends, like the Stig, for instance!
- I have a suspicion it'll [the Ferrari Enzo] be faster too than the Porsche Carrera GT, which did 1:19.8. So, to find out, let's hand it over to the Dark Side of the Stig.
- Brunell, he would like this car [the Dodge Viper SRT-10], the heavy engineering in it. The big question is, though, what's the Stig gonna make of it?
- You [Clarkson] will change your tune when you see what it [the Morgan Aero 8] can do on the track. Now, you go away and we'll put this into the hands of Stigless Barder! (Richard Hammond)
- What we did this morning was we gave them all [the Honda Civic Type-R, the Seat Leon Cupra, the Renault Megane 225 and Mini S Works] to the Stig and we asked him to find out how fast they go around our track. Now, we got the times here, what we need to know at this point is where the Golf fits in. So we gave the GTI to the STi-G.
- Now, the 320 version has been around track with the Stig, and he managed to get it, where is it, it's here, 1:26.0, so between a Lamborghini Gallardo and a Ferrari 575 GT, so it's time to find out what it [the Lancer Evolution VIII MR FQ-400] can do with another 80 hp. Let's hand it over to the Mitsu-Stigi! (Richard Hammond)
- Sadly, Alonso was busy, but that's okay, because we have just the man for the job [to drive the Renault F1 car]. Yes, this is Stig's birthday and Christmas present all rolled into one! So, let's see what he can do.
- So, it [the Ariel Atom] can go on our board, which means...we gotta give it to the Stig.
Series 6[]
- Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night, foraging for wolves. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say he's wanted by the CIA, and that he sleeps upside down like a bat... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say that he appears on high-value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue. We know him only as the Stig.
- Some say he is illegal in seventeen US states, and he blinks this way [sideways]. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he's scared of bells. We know only that he’s called the Stig.
- Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all his legs are hydraulic... All we know is that he’s called the Stig!
- Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat could be used to clean precious metals. All we know is that he's called the Stig!
- Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he's confused by stairs. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- What I want to know is how fast this [the BMW 535d] will go around our track when it's dry, and when it's got a Stig at the wheel.
- Some say that he's terrified of ducks, and that there's an airport in Russia named after him. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
Series 7[]
- Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin's, and that wherever you are in the world, if you tune your radio to 88.4, you can actually hear his thoughts... All we know is he’s called the Stig! (Richard Hammond)
- Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his earwax tastes like Turkish delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he'd burn for a thousand days. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks... All we know is he’s called the Stig! (Richard Hammond)
- Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
Series 8[]
- Some say that his ears aren't exactly where you'd expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- It [the letter] was from someone who said that there's one star we never put in our old reasonably-priced car [the Suzuki Liana], that there's one name missing from this list. Yes, it's the Stig!
- Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci Code in 43 seconds. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he's been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show... All we know is he’s called the Stig! (Richard Hammond)
- Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Now, some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will headbutt you in the chest. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason, he's allergic to the Dutch. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that his first name really is “The”, and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island they’d all be pregnant, including the camera men. All we know is he’s called the Stig. (Richard Hammond)
Series 9[]
- Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and that long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist, pig-faced waste of blood and organs. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that he once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the cash-for-honours scandal. All we know is he’s called Lord Stig!
- Some say he is a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's American cousin.
- Some say that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as piccalilli, and that at this week's BRIT Awards, he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modeled on Britney Spears' head. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say he isn't machine-washable, and all his potted plants are called "Steve". All we know is he’s called the Stig. (Richard Hammond)
Series 10[]
- Some say that his scrotum has its own small gravity field, and that because our producer rigged our phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is he’s called Cuddles.
- Some say that he's banned from the town of Chichester, and that, in a recent late night deal, he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that he gets terrible exima on his helmet, and that if he'd been the video ref in the World Cup Rugby final, he would've seen that, of course, it was a trying blind Australian halfwit. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say he's seen 'The Lion King' 1,780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo. All we know is he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's African cousin.
- Some say that, to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, like that, and that if he were getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whiny mouth shut. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that he thought 'Star Wars' was a documentary, and that he recently pulled out of 'I'm a Celebrity' because he's frightened of trees, and Australia, and Kustok, and Daunt, and Beck. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that he knows two facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong, and that 61 years ago, he accidentally introduced Her Majesty, the Queen, to a Greek racialist. All we know is, I'm going to the Tower now to have my head cut off, and he is called the Stig!
- Some say that when he slows down, brake lights come on in his buttocks, and that if he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week, he wouldn't have been a feckless ginger gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us! All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that he once lost a canoe on a beach in the Northeast, and that he once did some time in a prison in Canterbury, because his teddy was called "The Baby Jesus". All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- To get the best out of the G-Wiz for this test (RC car vs. RC G-Wiz), it needs to be controlled by our finest racing driver, someone who has never sat on Santa's knee, someone who's never watched 'Moonraker' on Boxing Day. (Richard Hammond)
- Some say that as we speak, he is actually relaxing in the resort's pool, and he is! He is, actually.
Series 11[]
- Some say that after making love, he bites the head off his partner, and that he's had to give up binge drinking now that it's got to £1.18 a litre. All we know is he's called the Stig.
- Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman's nipples, and that he thinks the credit crunch is some kind of breakfast cereal. All we know is he's called the Stig.
- Some say that he isn't allowed by law within 100 yards of Lorraine Kelly, and that he's never seen an episode of 'Top Gear' because he's a huge fan of 'Midsomer Murders'. All we know is he's called Bergerac!
- Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full-sized tattoo of his face on his face. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say it's impossible for him to wear socks, and he can open a beer bottle with his testes! All we know is he’s called the Stig! (Richard Hammond)
- Some say you saved our bacon.
Others say I was bound and gagged in the locker room.
Series 12[]
- Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had full sex... with Russell Braun's answering machine. All we know is he's called the Stig.
- Some say that his favourite all-time tune is "Forever Autumn" by Justin Hayward, and that he has the world's largest collection of pornographical material. All we know is he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's lorry-driving cousin!
- Some say that he invented November, and that if he'd won the world championship in Brazil last weekend, there might've been one photograph of him without his father, gurning in the back of shot. All we know is he's called the Stig.
- Some say he has a stripey top, just like mine... (James May; interrupted by Richard)
- Some say that one of his eyes is a testie, and that he was turned down for 'I'm a Celebrity' because people have heard of him. All we know is he's called the Stig.
- Some say one of his legs gets longer when he sees a pretty lady, and that I haven’t done one of these for some time and I’ve forgotten to make up a second thing. All we know is he’s called the Stig! (Richard Hammond)
- Some say that he doesn't like to get his helmet wet, a point that was proved last week when he was caught in the back of shot by an eagle-eyed viewer. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
Series 13[]
- Some say that he invented the curtain, and that he recently submitted a £20,000 expenses claim for some gravel...for his moat. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that last week, he was found in a locked room, tied to a chair with German piano wire. And that this week, MPs turned him down for the job of speaker. All we know is, that's three things he has in common with Margaret Beckett!
- Some say that he thinks crisps are animals, and that if he'd done well at Wimbledon, once in a while, he might've been able to raise a smile. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say that he is absolutely baffled by urinals, and that on reflection, this was a bad week to launch his debut single. It's a tribute... to Farrah Fawcett. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say he has twelve GCSEs, all in domestic science, and that's he's been producing artificial sperm for years, even though we have repeatedly asked him not to. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
- Some say that on Thursdays, he becomes incredibly bulbous, and that recently, pigs in Mexico have started to die of something called "Stig flu". All we know is he’s highly contagious!
- Some say that he cut that man's hair [points to man in audience], and that if he compensated a soldier for getting wounded, he wouldn't try to take it all back again. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
Series 14[]
- Some say that in the autumn, all his arms go brown and fall off, and that if he wrote you a letter of condolence, he would at least get your name right. All we know is he’s called the Stog.
You mean the Stig?
That's what I said. I said it!
- Some say that he has some terrible plans involving the Moon, and that he was turned down for a place on 'I'm a Celebrity' because he is one. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say that his new Christmas range of fragrances includes the great smell of Wednesday, and that he was turned down for the job of EU President because his face is just too recognizable. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say that the drinks cabinet in his car contains 14 different types of custard, and that while he has been known to leave his house in a bit of a hurry, he's never once hit a fire hydrant. All we know is, call the Stig!
- Some say that you shouldn't go around to his house for your Christmas lunch unless you enjoy the great taste of seagull, and that the reason he always wears a helmet is because a man once smashed him in the face with a model of Salisbury Cathedral. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say that he has to take his shoes off with an alum key, and that his New Year's Resolution is to eat fewer mice. All we know is he's called the Stig!
Series 15[]
- Some say that his discharge is luminous, and that even as we speak, he is appearing on the main stage at Glastonbury, performing his most famous hit, "Superstition". All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say there are 17 different reasons why he's banned from the North Hampton branch of Little Chef, and that his favourite airline pilot is Mark Webber, or two, actually. All we know, of course, he's the Stig!
- Some say that if you hold him in the wrong way, he doesn't work properly, and that just very recently, he developed an irrational hatred of Rubens Barricello. All we know is he's called the Stig.
- Some say that he spent all week daydreaming about what Rubens Barricello would look like in a ham slicer, and that he's terrified the BBC will reveal his salary because he's paid in strong pornography. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say the Scottish released him a little bit too soon, and that he spent all week pushing an effigy of Rubens Barricello through his desk fan. All we know is he's called the Stig.
- Some say that he's recently been releasing pop records under the pseudonym of "Lady Gaga", and that under his race suit, he also wears a red G-string and suspenders. All we know is he's called the Stig!
Series 16[]
- Soon, he will be old enough to get a job on 'Countryfile', but now, he's here and he's ready to go to work. So, everyone please welcome Top Gear's new Stig!
- Some say that he doesn't understand the word "envelope", and that he is the only woman in Britain not to have slept with Alan Johnson's policeman. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say he once tore a goat in half, and that he is now regretting buying his new holiday home in downtown Cairo. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say his nipples are explosive, and that he's recently had a Mexican--I mean... I mean Brazilian! I mean Brazilian, why did I say that?! I'm sorry, Mr. Ambassador! Anyway, all we know is, he's called the Stig!
- Some say that in his wallet, he keeps a photograph of his wallet, and that in a recent race, even he was beaten by the King's speech. All we know is he's called the Stig.
- Some say that his favourite disease he had when he was a child was gout, and that he was very surprised this week when he was able to pick up some remarkably cheap tickets for the Bahrain Grand Prix. All we know is he's called the Stig!
Series 17[]
- Some say he doesn't know what dogs are for, and that he recently took out a super injunction to prevent us from revealing that he (silently blabbers for a few seconds) with an enormous goat. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say that he can't eat mashed potato for religious reasons, and that he recently received 47,000 tickets, Olympic tickets, all of them for the final of the women's wrestling. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say that he refuses to acknowledge the existence of Nottinghamshire, and that he recently received a very strong email from his fiancee's mother saying it's bad manners to sit at the dinner table in a helmet. All we know is he's called the Stig.
- Some say that he once hacked into his own helmet, and that he thinks Harper Seven is a convicted terrorist cell. All we know is he's called the Stig.
- Some say that his favourite T-shirt has a picture on the front of a T-shirt, and that he spent all week waiting for a big cheque from the Germans, because he too has spent the last 2000 years sitting on his backside doing absolutely nothing at all. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
Series 18[]
- It says here he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's Italian cousin!
- Some say that he's the only man in Britain who knows what B&Q stands for, and that he can't give his million pound bonus back, because he's already spent it...on French breast implants. All we know is that he's called the Stig!
- Some say he's the Stig, but he isn't. He's the Stig's Chinese cousin.
- Some say that he has 50,000 photographs of his own camera, and that 60 years ago this week, he too became a Queen. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- We need a man skilled in cocktail of big horsepower and little grip. And luckily, just such a man is arriving now. He's not the Stig's Alpine cousin, he's just the Stig.
- Some say that he is the only man in history to buy a DFS sofa when there wasn't a sale on, and that his favourite boxing venue is Munich Airport. All we know is that he's called the Stig!
- Some say that he stores all of his shoes and his cassette tapes on the motorway central reservation, and that since he can easily stay quiet for 2 hours, he's wondering why he didn't win an Oscar. All we know is that he's called the Stig.
Series 19[]
- Some say that we have at least thought of a new way of introducing him...but we haven't. It's the Stig!
- Some say that following the vote on gay marriage, he's got engaged to James May...'s lawnmower, and that he's become convinced this week that Henry IV is buried under the Follow-Through. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say he contains 47% horse, and that to concentrate more on his work here, he has resigned this week from his other job in Rome. All we know is he's called the Stig!
Other[]
- Some say that he used to be a stormtrooper, but he was kicked out when he tried to eat Darth Vader. All we know is that he's called the Stig!
- Some say that he's made of rubber porcelain, and that his shadow is that of a beluga whale. All we know is that he's called the Stig!
- Some say he's "A" in Pretty Little Liars. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say, he's actually dead... But the Grim Reaper is too scared to tell him... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say...He can play guitar with the clutch...and his carbon fibre beard is chiselled in the most streamlined way... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say he knighted the Queen... and that he saved the Queen from God... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say that he can hypnotize sheep, and that if he could be bothered he could swim the Atlantic ocean - underwater.
- Some say, that he once co-presented a Brazilian show about blimp disasters, and that once, he actually punched God. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say that he once killed a giraffe with just his feet and that he has a black belt in paper maché...all we know is he's called The Stig!
- Some say he is five foot tall with lead in his feet, others say six feet with tall with air in his head....but he doesn't care what you say. You'll only know him as... The Stig!
- Some say he's contracted every STD known to man, and that he has inflatable breasts to get him out of speeding tickets. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say, that he is one of the protons in the Large Hadron Collider, and that he creates miniature black holes every time he sneezes. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say he was the one who actually pulled Excalibur from the stone and that he is the rightful king of England. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say he sucks the moisture from ducks, and if you lick his chest it tastes exactly the same as piccalilli. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say he gave birth to Chuck Norris and that the mother was Superman!
- Some say he has no understanding of queuing.
- Some say, he once modelled for Page 3... and his feet are made from dog leather. All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say that to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, like this (Clarkson then walks up to a fan from the audience and does a sort of 'swipe' down his face), and that if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he'd keep his stupid whiny mouth shut! All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say that because our producer rigged a phone vote he has a new name. All we know is his name is Cuddles!
- Some say he knows two facts about ducks, and that both of them are wrong... All we know is he’s called the Stig!
- Some say that that he will be playing Paul Walker in the new fast and furious movie. All we know is he's called the Stig!
- Some say that he invented the mankini because he was frustrated with how his speedos looked on him and that he is the reason why The Beatles split up. All we know is, he's called The Stig!