Top Gear Top Tips were pieces of consumer advice given to the audience, usually at the end of a segment, by Jeremy Clarkson (sometimes James May). They would either save consumers money on a prospective purchase, or discourage them from doing something that wasn't worth the effort. As with many other aspects of the relaunched show, these gradually became more humourous over time.
At the moment, this list is incomplete and will be added to over time.
Top Tips shown on Top Gear[]
- Series 1, Episode 3: "Buy the cheapest model. It has exactly the same single overhead camshaft 1.6-litre engine as the Cooper. The only difference is a little tiny chip in the onboard computer. So, buy the cheap car, you save 1300 quid, and then you change the chip. That'll cost you £385.
- Series 1, Episode 9: [After doing an experiment of cooking with cars] "If you're cooking lamb, make sure it's 5-speed, preferably 6-speed"
- Series 5, Episode 1: "If you're an ice cream van driver, you see some bouncy castles, for heaven's sake, get out of your van before jumping on them."
- Series 5, Episode 6: [After Richard shows the Lada Kalina] "Avoid."
- Series 6, Episode 2: "If you only have £1500 to spend on your coupe, buy Japanese. Doesn't matter what it is, but go Japanese. And then, crucially, leave it alone."
- Series 6, Episode 3: "If you want us to open something, ring Alan Titchmarsh."
- Series 6, Episode 4: "If you're planning on jumping a party, any party, don't use a stretched Lincoln."
- Series 6, Episode 7: "If you live in Greenwich, and you work in Buckingham Palace, and you're looking for a new way of getting to work, run."
- Series 7, Episode 4: "Yes, you can buy a supercar for less than ten thousand pounds, but for the love of God, don't!"
- Series 9, Episode 1: "Work fast, eat blackberries, get 100 trucks, not 5, and fit that paving machine thing with a turbocharger."
- Series 9, Episode 3: "1, Yes, you can buy rather than rent... and 2, don't go to America!"
- Series 9, Episode 6: [Holding an angle grinder] "Rent one of these, 35 quid a day. Somebody you don't like very much? Cut their car in half."
- Series 10, Episode 1: "If you want a slow car that looks like a Golf... get a Golf."
- Botswana Special: "If, people of Surrey, you want to replace your BMW X5 with something that's brilliant off-road, simple, inexpensive, easy to maintain, surprisingly comfortable, then you've got to get yourself a Volkswagen Beetle."
- Series 11, Episode 1: "If you've been affected by the fuel crisis, this is the supercar to buy!"
- Series 12, Episode 1: "If you are a 'lorryist' and you are going to have an accident, there's a choice of something to hit, avoid anything with bricks in it. Always swerve and go for the big pile of mineral water."
- Series 12, Episode 5: "If you are an employer and you take someone on who has a Lexus, he'll be late for work, and he'll be a dork when he gets there."
- Series 13, Episode 2: "If you're a 17 year old boy and need car insurance, slice your penis off."
- Series 14, Episode 3: [After hearing that a baby was named Kia due to the car they were birthed in] "If you're on your way to hospital, in labour and you're in a Kia, for God's sake get out!"
- Series 15, Episode 1: [Before showing what "men in hi-vis jackets" does whenever a grid girl, in a race, is fainted] "Don't ever faint in Holland."
- Series 16, Episode 2: [After listing off serial killers which owned Renaults] "If you're a policeman and there's been a murder in your area, simply arrest anyone who has a practical Renault."
- Series 16, Episode 4: "Kill all magpies! Kill them now!"
Top Tips given outside of Top Gear[]
- Top Gear Website, August 2009: "Maybe this is how to add value to your knackered old Vauxhall Nova come resale time. Paint the bonnet and roof in some improbable shade of fluorescent yellow – to contrast nicely with the beige doors – call it the Nova Coeur Jaune and add £500 to the part-ex value."
- Sam Philips, Top Gear Magazine #237: "Never bellow ‘veloce’ at a carabinieri driver in a Lotus Evora S."
- Jeremy Clarkson's Twitter, August 2012: "When flying to the US, go to Las Vegas. Cab to lounge in under 7 minutes. Cheery security people too."
- Top Gear Website, November 2013: "If you’re a seasonal visitor from the Gulf states wishing to demonstrate the girth of your wallet, be seen in the back of a LTI TX1 next summer."
- The Grand Tour, Operation Desert Stumble: "Here is a top tip for Hollywood heroes, if you're being chased by a car which is slower than the car you're in, simply drive faster than it."